Parenting and Mindfulness

Some of you may be in the midst of parenting, while others may have reached a stage where things are a little easier, or perhaps your child-rearing days have settled down.

Balancing household chores, childcare, and work—especially for those working from home—can be overwhelming when things don't go at your own pace, leaving you feeling exhausted.

There may also be days when you become stressed and irritated because you can't secure any personal time for yourself.

When we are pressed for time and burdened with endless responsibilities, both our minds and bodies become utterly exhausted, and our breathing tends to become shallow.

There are many ways to refresh ourselves, such as listening to our favorite music or doing some stretches. However, some may struggle to find a method that truly works for them.

In this article, I would like to introduce "mindfulness meditation" as one way to refresh yourself when feeling worn out from parenting.

What is Mindfulness?

In simple terms, mindfulness is a state of being fully aware of and focused on your mind and body "in this very moment" as they are. Scientific research has progressed in this field, revealing that mindfulness offers numerous benefits for both our mental and physical health.

Are you truly aware of "this present moment"?

As human beings, we tend to unconsciously shift our focus between the past and the future.

・Remembering past events and feeling sad
・Imagining the future and feeling excited, or conversely, anxious
・Becoming trapped in certain thoughts and suffering because of them

When we dwell on regrets about an unchangeable past or let ourselves be consumed by baseless speculations, we lose sight of what is happening right in front of us and become mentally absent.

Even though we are living in the present, it can be quite difficult to truly remain in "this very moment."

By refraining from judging everything as good or bad and instead consciously observing the reality of "this very moment" with sharpened senses, we enhance our concentration and awareness, allowing us to notice things in daily life that we may have otherwise overlooked.

When our hearts are fulfilled by the reality of "this very moment," we become less swayed by anxiety or irritation, allowing us to maintain a calm and peaceful state of mind—this is what it means to be in a state of mindfulness.

The Benefits of Mindfulness

Scientific and medical research has proven that mindfulness brings various benefits to us.

Here, I will introduce both the short-term effects that can be achieved through several weeks to months of practice and the mid-to-long-term effects that come with continued practice for six months to a year or more.

[Short-term Effect 1] Improved Sleep Quality

One of the remarkable short-term effects of mindfulness is improved sleep quality. By allowing both the mind and body to relax, it helps regulate the balance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, leading to deeper sleep.

After childbirth, many parents experience the challenge of 24-hour childcare while still recovering their physical strength. Sleep deprivation due to nighttime feedings is a common struggle.

This is especially true for first-time parents, who may feel overwhelmed with anxiety, wondering, "Am I taking care of my baby the right way?"

A lack of sleep combined with constant worries can negatively impact both mental and physical well-being.

While many babies begin to develop a more regular feeding and sleep schedule around six months of age, each child is different.

Even though sleep duration may still be limited until around the age of one, improving sleep quality is essential so that even short periods of rest feel refreshing and restorative.

[Short-term Effect 2] Reduction of Anxiety and Stress

Mindfulness has also been shown to help reduce anxiety and stress in the short term.

Our brains have a neural network called the "default mode network," which remains active even when we are not consciously thinking, allowing random thoughts and worries to arise.

For example, imagine a rainy day when your child, after playing with toy blocks or miniature cars, finally falls asleep for a nap, and you take a moment to rest. Even if you appear to be spacing out, your brain is still active.

Thoughts such as, "I'm sleepy, but I need to clean up the toys," "I hate having to dry the laundry indoors because of the rain," or "Should I start preparing dinner now?" may flood your mind.

This kind of subconscious mental activity happens automatically and is said to consume 60–80% of our energy. This explains why overthinking can be so exhausting.

Mindfulness meditation helps calm the mind and suppress the activity of the default mode network.

When you can maintain a state of being fully present in "this very moment," negative emotions such as anxiety and sadness are reduced, leading to an increased sense of happiness.

[Mid-to-Long-Term Effect 1] Enhanced Self-Awareness

One of the mid-to-long-term benefits of mindfulness is improved self-awareness.

Self-awareness refers to the ability to deeply examine one's inner self, recognize one's mental and emotional state, and clearly understand one's personality, abilities, thought patterns, and emotions.

A person with high self-awareness can, for example, recognize when they are feeling angry and consciously let go of that emotion.

On the other hand, a person with low self-awareness may become consumed by anger, leading to prolonged irritability over minor issues.

Many parents have likely experienced moments when lack of sleep and childcare stress led to frustration, which then spiraled into emotional outbursts and subsequent feelings of guilt.

With continued mindfulness practice, you can learn to observe your thoughts and emotions objectively.

As a result, even when faced with frustrating or unpleasant situations, you can avoid being overwhelmed by your emotions and maintain a stable state of mind in daily life.

[Mid-to-Long-Term Effect 2] Pain Relief

Another mid-to-long-term benefit of mindfulness is its potential to alleviate various types of pain.

Many parents experience physical strain from carrying or holding their children, leading to pain in the shoulders, neck, or lower back. In some cases, neck and shoulder pain can even trigger headaches.

Studies have shown that focusing on and understanding pain, rather than avoiding it, can be an effective way to reduce discomfort.

Additionally, even as the frequency of carrying a child decreases, some parents continue to suffer from chronic pain in areas like the lower back or knees. Research suggests that in such cases, mental stress can also contribute to the pain, and individuals with higher stress management abilities are more likely to recover from lower back pain.

Finding personal time while raising children can be challenging. However, by incorporating mindfulness, you can tune into your body, sensations, and emotions, allowing you to observe where your pain is coming from.

Rather than aiming to eliminate pain completely, the goal is to develop a healthy relationship with it, manage it effectively, and improve your daily life.

How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation

1. Sit with Proper Posture

There is no need to sit in a specific meditation posture like in Zen practice. The key is to keep your spine straight and maintain a stable posture with the center of gravity aligned over your sit bones.

Choose a seated position that feels stable for you, such as the half-lotus position (placing one foot on the opposite thigh) or sitting cross-legged. Once you have settled into your position, place both hands on your knees with your palms facing upward.

If sitting with crossed legs is difficult, you can practice while sitting on a chair. Keep your knees slightly apart and ensure that the soles of your feet are firmly planted on the floor.

A straight posture is achieved when your ears, shoulders, and hip bones are vertically aligned, with your navel positioned directly below your nose. Be mindful not to arch your lower back excessively.

Next, gently sway your body from side to side. Gradually reduce the movement until you find a balanced position where your weight is evenly distributed on both sides.

2. Focus on Your Breathing (Breath Meditation)

Relax your arms and shoulders, settle into a comfortable posture, and regulate your breathing. The most important thing is not to control your breath.

Whether awake or asleep, we breathe continuously to sustain life. Have you ever consciously paid attention to your breath during daily life?

Breath meditation involves observing your natural, unconscious breathing with full awareness.

Imagine the air entering through your nose, passing through your windpipe, and reaching your lungs. Notice how your abdomen expands and contracts or how your shoulders gently rise and fall with each breath. Simply observe these bodily sensations.

Try to recognize the feeling of "I am inhaling now" and "I am exhaling now."

3. If Thoughts or Emotions Arise, Gently Return to Your Breath

While meditating, your attention may wander.

The first important step is recognizing that your mind and thoughts will naturally drift. If distractions arise, simply acknowledge them: "Oh, I just had this thought." Then, gently return your focus to meditation.

Do not blame yourself for losing focus, and do not chase after your thoughts or emotions. Even if your awareness drifts, calmly bring it back to your breath.

"Year after year, the flowers remain the same, yet each year, the people are different."

"Year after year, the flowers remain the same, yet each year, the people are different" (Nen-nen sai-sai hana ai ni tari, sai-sai nen-nen hito onaji karazu) is a famous line from the poem On Behalf of an Old Man Grieving His White Hair, written by the Chinese poet Liu Tingzhi.

It means, "Every year, flowers bloom in the same way, but the people who see them are never the same."

Just as this verse suggests, flowers bloom the same way every year. However, children grow up quickly, year after year.

Though individual differences exist, they learn to walk, dress themselves, and suddenly surprise you with words you never taught them. A child who once cried when separated from you gradually learns to play with friends.

Many parents may experience both the joy of seeing their child’s growth and the bittersweet realization that they are steadily becoming more independent.

That is why it is so important to cherish "this moment" with your child.

When You Feel Exhausted from Parenting, Focus on Your Breathing

Parents who have finished raising their children often say, "They grew up in the blink of an eye" or "I wish I had enjoyed parenting more."

Raising a child is full of unexpected challenges. Things that wouldn’t normally bother you may feel overwhelming when you’re emotionally drained. You might even find yourself reacting harshly and later regretting it.

The first step is to recognize and acknowledge, "I am exhausted right now."

Even if it’s just for a few minutes, try practicing mindfulness meditation by focusing on your breath.

Take a slow, deep inhale. Then, exhale just as slowly. Repeating this process will naturally deepen your breathing, helping you feel calmer and more grounded.

Cherish today—this precious day that will never come again.

Treasure the fleeting, irreplaceable moments of your child's innocence and sweetness.

It may not always be easy, but why not embrace mindfulness and find joy in parenting?

Thank you for reading to the end.